She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh god it's open bar.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
