I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize