Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
