Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
