I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
