xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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