ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
