he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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