did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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