why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
