I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
