TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
