Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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