omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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