Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
