In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
