I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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