NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
