you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
