if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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