I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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