Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
