God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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