all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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