I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
cat food counts as protein by the way
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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