Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
