I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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