so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
