I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
