u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
