I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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