i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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