When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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