my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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