he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
