I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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