my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
