Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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