what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
