ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
