Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
