I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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