You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
