I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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