what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
