In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
