I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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