Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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