So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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