I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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