I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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