ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
