How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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