When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am one with the molecules
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
