You're completely useless in the revolution.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
