please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
