Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As shirtless as possible
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You may now shotgun with the bride
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
