I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
