i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
