you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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