I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
