Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
