you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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