There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
