he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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