Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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