I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's always time for handjobs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
